8x Blankets ~ 3 in PomPom Wool
4x Angel Wraps
3x Angel Pocket
1x Papoose
1x All in One
1x Dress
A lovely package received from Belinda Proctor. Thank you!
25 December 2011
20 December 2011
Donation Recd ~ Debbie (no surname)
3x Cardigans
3x Bonnets
3x Booties
1x Teddy
A lovely package reiceved from Debbie (sadly no surname provided). Thank you!
19 December 2011
Hospital Delivery ~ Medway Maritme, Gillingham, Kent
A huge thank you to everyone who made this donation possible.
17 December 2011
Donation Recd ~ Heather Fletcher
10x Hats
3x Teddies
1x Full Size Cardigan
1x Bag of Angel Wings Charms
A lovely package received from Heather Fletcher. Thank you!
16 December 2011
Donation Recd ~ Catriona Burns
8x Hats
7x Blankets
4x Mini Wraps
4x Booties
A lovely package recieved from Catriona Burns. Thank you!
14 December 2011
Baby Loss Stories ~ April's Baby Nicola
As with Baby Isla's story last week which showed that not every loss is the same, April's account of the moment she found her daughter Nicola in 2008, confirms that babies do sadly die at all ages for all different reasons.
SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is cruel and extremely distressing for every parent who has had it it forced upon them. With SIDS there is often no cause as to why it has happened; the baby simple falls asleep and with authorities becoming involved, many parents are left feeling as though they are being accused for what has happened. It is not possible to imagine the distress this must cause at an already devastating time.
Below is April's story which she bravely wrote for the first ever time for a college assignment earlier this year. xox
“Wake up, Nicola’s not breathing she’s not breathing.”
He picked her up and we ran into the living room where he placed her on the floor and began giving her mouth to mouth. I picked up the phone and rang 999. I gave them my address and my reason for calling. The woman on the phone began giving me instructions about how to correctly give mouth to mouth to a baby. I began shouting the instructions to Steven. He kept trying and trying for what felt like forever.
Ten minutes later the rapid response unit arrived. Yes ten minutes! The paramedic came into the living room where Nicola was. He cleared the top of a cupboard and placed Nicola on top where he instantly began to try and resuscitate her. He gently asked me, “Can you please leave the room.”
I left while Steven stayed there. I sat in the corner of my bedroom rocking and sobbing, thinking to myself, she’s dead! It’s my fault! The paramedic and Steven came into my bedroom after some time. I jumped up! He said to me, “I’m so sorry, there’s nothing more I can do.”
I sank to the floor screaming, “NOOOOOOOOO not my baby girl, it’s not true.” The paramedic must have then left the room.
Sometime within the next twenty minutes the paramedic came back into the room to tell us that he had informed the police, as procedure requested because it was an unexplained child death, and that they were on their way.
I began trying to ring our parents but with it being after four in the morning it took a few tries. I finally got hold of my mum and sobbed down the phone, “It’s Nicola, she’s dead. She’s dead mum.” My mum kept repeating, “What do you mean she’s dead? She can’t be.” I said, “Mum I need you! I need you now.” Mum said, “I’m coming now baby, I’m getting a cab.”
The next thing I remember is another four paramedics turning up followed by eight police officers. We were all in a tiny one bedroom flat. The police then say that they want to ask me and Steven a few questions separately. They were asking things like “What happened? Why was you awake a half three? Where was she when you found her? Have you taken and drugs? Have you drunk any alcohol? Have you given her any medication? What time was her last bottle?”
I answered all of their questions the best I could. I still remember the hot, wet tears streaming down my face whilst I was trying to speak over the big lump at the back of my dry throat. Then my mum and Steven’s parents arrived. I cuddled my mum and instantly broke down saying, “Why me? Why my daughter? I shouldn’t have gone to sleep. She wouldn’t have died if I had been awake. It’s my fault.”
The police and paramedics were sitting in the living room and asked us to not go in there. I could see Nicola left on top of the cupboard like nothing with a pink blanket over her. It was like she didn’t matter. All I wanted was to hold her. To keep her safe now she was an angel.
A policeman came out to inform us that we were waiting on the CID officers to arrive as they would like to search the room where Nicola died. They would also like to take a few things for testing and swabs. The things they wanted to take were her last bottle, the medicine she took; her bed sheets her blanket and the nappy she was wearing. The police officers said this was just procedure and too rule out any other possibilities. The CID officers arrived around an hour and thirty minutes later. They asked to question us again with mostly the same questions. Except this time they asked, “Do you think anyone would harm her?”
I was disgusted as it felt like they were trying to blame me or Steven for Nicola’s death. When they were satisfied they left taking the item they wanted. They told us, “They would be in contact if they needed anything else.”
The paramedic and police officer then decided we were able to go to the hospital. It was seven thirty in the morning. Four hours after I found my daughter. Three and a half hours after the paramedic showed up. All that time my daughter was just lying dead on top of a cupboard. As we were getting ready to leave my flat I was asked, “Would you like to hold Nicola while we travelled to the hospital?” I took Nicola from on top of that cold cupboard and held her close and tight.
I took in every little detail from her button nose to what she smelled like. Even now I can still remember her smelling like baby formula and Johnson’s shampoo. I knew at that moment that when I had to say goodbye to her, it was going to be the hardest moment of my life as I never wanted to let her go.
Once we arrived at hospital we were shown to a room. The room was square with green walls. There were around six chairs and a tiny window. The families, Steven, Nicola and I were in the room. There was also a police officer present. When I asked “Why he was here?” I was told, “You need a police officer present at all times as this is a suspicious death of an infant.” I burst into tears feeling like they were accusing me of murdering my perfect, precious daughter.
We were in the room for a little while before a doctor entered. He sat down and explained to us that he needed to examine Nicola to see if he could find any physical reason for her death. He asked, “Would you like me to do the examination here or outside?”
We both asked him to do it in the room so we could see exactly what was happening.
His outcome to her examination was that he could find nothing physically wrong with her. Some undercover police officers came into the room, without so much as a knock. They told us, “We need to take your daughter away from you to examine her.” I was puzzled as to why she needed to be away from me, but was happy for them to examine her as the doctor just had.
I was petrified they were going to tell me it was my fault. They returned with Nicola and left the room. We were waiting in that little room for what felt like hours before anyone came to talk to us. It was a young nurse from the children’s ward who came in. She had a welcoming face and a smile that made everything feel a little better. She said to us, “I would like to move you to a more private room.”
The room they moved us too was cosier and made me feel more comfortable. It had soft yellow walls, a settee, a few chairs and a yellow moses basket for us to put Nicola in. There were yellow flowers in vases around the room, they smelled lovely. The nurse settled us in and said, “If you need anything please let me know. You have until four o’clock when the people from the mortuary will be coming to collect Nicola.”
I looked at the clock it was half nine in the morning. I had six and a half hours till they were coming.
I sat in the corner of the room holding Nicola close and kissing her forehead. Wishing it was me instead of her. I was sat there thinking I am an eighteen year old girl, this is so wrong, I shouldn’t have to been thinking about my daughter’s death. She should be here!
I called for the nurse and asked her, “Could you contact my priest, he needs to be here. My daughter needs him.” She replied “I’ll try my hardest to get hold of him. If I can’t get him, would you like me to get another priest instead?” I said “Yes please but please try your hardest to get my priest, Father Neil.”
She came back about half an hour later and told me “I couldn’t get hold of father Neil but I got hold of Father William. He’s from the same Parish and will be here within the hour.” I thanked her and she left the room.
I left the room and went outside the hospital to smoke a cigarette. I stood there with tears streaming down my face sobbing in silence. I decided I needed to phone the rest of our families and close friends. I phoned my dad in Ireland first. I remember saying, “Dad, I’ve got some sad news. Dad said “What’s wrong April? What’s up?” He repeated it a few times when I finally felt able to reply. I said, “Dad, its Nicola. She passed away this morning. I thought I had better let you know.”
I hung up and phoned everyone else before going back up to the room with the family. I was back in the room for about ten minutes when Father William arrived.
Father William was a priest at the church I went to but had only seen him around. I had never spoken to him. I shook his hand and thanked him for coming at such short notice. He asked me, “What is her name? Has she been baptised?” I replied, “Her names Nicola Hayes and she was due to be baptized in two weeks time.”
I began panicking. Thinking I should have done it sooner. Father William said, “I’m so sorry that tiny Nicola has left us but God wanted her with him. Would you like me to say a blessing?” My mum started speaking and then looked at me. I nodded for her to continue. She said, “Will this blessing let her original sin be forgiven? We would like you to say a blessing.” Father William replied, “Nicola is with God in heaven now. All babies go to heaven and original sin is forgiven.”
I instantly let out a sigh of relief. Father William said a beautiful blessing. I hugged my mum and sobbed into her shoulder. Father William said to my mum, “I am so sorry for your loss. I will let Father Neil know about your loss and he will be in contact with you. If there’s anything we can do please just call us.” We all thanked him and he left.
I picked Nicola up and held her tight, crying, and taking in her scent. I knew I would never get another chance to hold her like this. The nurse came into the room and informed us that Nicola would need a post mortem as there was no reason for her death. We would not be able to decline it as all children who suddenly die under the age of ten needed one, to prove cause of death. I cried and cried. They were going to cut my baby open. The nurse said, “As you are aware the mortuary people are coming at four but I need you all to leave around half three so I can prepare her body for the transfer to Whitechapel.” I replied, “Okay, we will be gone by half three.” She asked us, “Would you like a keep sake? I can take a lock of her hair. I can take some foot and hand prints. I can also take some photos.”
I told her, “I would love a lock of hair and the foot and hand prints. I don’t want any photos as her skins changed colour. That’s not my daughter any more. She’s gone; it’s just her shell left. “
I later found out that rigor mortis had set in. This is why her body had changed colour. The nurse left the room. She came back minutes later with a pair of scissors, an inkpad and two envelopes. The nurse cut a lock of Nicola’s hair from the back near her neck. I still remember thinking she’s too small to have any of her hair cut off. It was mousey brown and dead straight. The nurse tried her hardest to get a hand print but could only get a fist as the rigor mortis had set in while her hand was clenched, Nicola’s foot print was tiny and just perfect.
I remember looking at the clock and it saying one o’clock. I sat there crying and cuddling Nicola. I turned to my mum and said, “Mum I’m leaving here soon, it’s time for us to say goodbye and let her rest in peace. Me sitting here isn’t going to bring her back!” My mum just nodded. I asked everyone, “Can you all say goodbye and leave the room, I would like to say my goodbye in private.”
Everyone said their goodbyes and left me and Steven in the room alone with Nicola. I broke down crying and just kept repeating, “Please come back, please. I’ll do anything.” Steven told me, “It’s time to go.”
I kissed Nicola on the forehead and said goodbye breathing in her scent for the last ever time.
It was then I realised she was gone forever and this would eternally be the worst day of my life!
SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is cruel and extremely distressing for every parent who has had it it forced upon them. With SIDS there is often no cause as to why it has happened; the baby simple falls asleep and with authorities becoming involved, many parents are left feeling as though they are being accused for what has happened. It is not possible to imagine the distress this must cause at an already devastating time.
Below is April's story which she bravely wrote for the first ever time for a college assignment earlier this year. xox
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I awoke with a start! Something just didn’t feel right, I looked at the clock it was three thirty in the morning. I jumped up to check on my eight week old daughter who was fast asleep in her moses basket. She wasn’t breathing! I screamed at my partner Steven“Wake up, Nicola’s not breathing she’s not breathing.”
He picked her up and we ran into the living room where he placed her on the floor and began giving her mouth to mouth. I picked up the phone and rang 999. I gave them my address and my reason for calling. The woman on the phone began giving me instructions about how to correctly give mouth to mouth to a baby. I began shouting the instructions to Steven. He kept trying and trying for what felt like forever.
Ten minutes later the rapid response unit arrived. Yes ten minutes! The paramedic came into the living room where Nicola was. He cleared the top of a cupboard and placed Nicola on top where he instantly began to try and resuscitate her. He gently asked me, “Can you please leave the room.”
I left while Steven stayed there. I sat in the corner of my bedroom rocking and sobbing, thinking to myself, she’s dead! It’s my fault! The paramedic and Steven came into my bedroom after some time. I jumped up! He said to me, “I’m so sorry, there’s nothing more I can do.”
I sank to the floor screaming, “NOOOOOOOOO not my baby girl, it’s not true.” The paramedic must have then left the room.
Sometime within the next twenty minutes the paramedic came back into the room to tell us that he had informed the police, as procedure requested because it was an unexplained child death, and that they were on their way.
I began trying to ring our parents but with it being after four in the morning it took a few tries. I finally got hold of my mum and sobbed down the phone, “It’s Nicola, she’s dead. She’s dead mum.” My mum kept repeating, “What do you mean she’s dead? She can’t be.” I said, “Mum I need you! I need you now.” Mum said, “I’m coming now baby, I’m getting a cab.”
The next thing I remember is another four paramedics turning up followed by eight police officers. We were all in a tiny one bedroom flat. The police then say that they want to ask me and Steven a few questions separately. They were asking things like “What happened? Why was you awake a half three? Where was she when you found her? Have you taken and drugs? Have you drunk any alcohol? Have you given her any medication? What time was her last bottle?”
I answered all of their questions the best I could. I still remember the hot, wet tears streaming down my face whilst I was trying to speak over the big lump at the back of my dry throat. Then my mum and Steven’s parents arrived. I cuddled my mum and instantly broke down saying, “Why me? Why my daughter? I shouldn’t have gone to sleep. She wouldn’t have died if I had been awake. It’s my fault.”
The police and paramedics were sitting in the living room and asked us to not go in there. I could see Nicola left on top of the cupboard like nothing with a pink blanket over her. It was like she didn’t matter. All I wanted was to hold her. To keep her safe now she was an angel.
A policeman came out to inform us that we were waiting on the CID officers to arrive as they would like to search the room where Nicola died. They would also like to take a few things for testing and swabs. The things they wanted to take were her last bottle, the medicine she took; her bed sheets her blanket and the nappy she was wearing. The police officers said this was just procedure and too rule out any other possibilities. The CID officers arrived around an hour and thirty minutes later. They asked to question us again with mostly the same questions. Except this time they asked, “Do you think anyone would harm her?”
I was disgusted as it felt like they were trying to blame me or Steven for Nicola’s death. When they were satisfied they left taking the item they wanted. They told us, “They would be in contact if they needed anything else.”
The paramedic and police officer then decided we were able to go to the hospital. It was seven thirty in the morning. Four hours after I found my daughter. Three and a half hours after the paramedic showed up. All that time my daughter was just lying dead on top of a cupboard. As we were getting ready to leave my flat I was asked, “Would you like to hold Nicola while we travelled to the hospital?” I took Nicola from on top of that cold cupboard and held her close and tight.
I took in every little detail from her button nose to what she smelled like. Even now I can still remember her smelling like baby formula and Johnson’s shampoo. I knew at that moment that when I had to say goodbye to her, it was going to be the hardest moment of my life as I never wanted to let her go.
Once we arrived at hospital we were shown to a room. The room was square with green walls. There were around six chairs and a tiny window. The families, Steven, Nicola and I were in the room. There was also a police officer present. When I asked “Why he was here?” I was told, “You need a police officer present at all times as this is a suspicious death of an infant.” I burst into tears feeling like they were accusing me of murdering my perfect, precious daughter.
We were in the room for a little while before a doctor entered. He sat down and explained to us that he needed to examine Nicola to see if he could find any physical reason for her death. He asked, “Would you like me to do the examination here or outside?”
We both asked him to do it in the room so we could see exactly what was happening.
His outcome to her examination was that he could find nothing physically wrong with her. Some undercover police officers came into the room, without so much as a knock. They told us, “We need to take your daughter away from you to examine her.” I was puzzled as to why she needed to be away from me, but was happy for them to examine her as the doctor just had.
I was petrified they were going to tell me it was my fault. They returned with Nicola and left the room. We were waiting in that little room for what felt like hours before anyone came to talk to us. It was a young nurse from the children’s ward who came in. She had a welcoming face and a smile that made everything feel a little better. She said to us, “I would like to move you to a more private room.”
The room they moved us too was cosier and made me feel more comfortable. It had soft yellow walls, a settee, a few chairs and a yellow moses basket for us to put Nicola in. There were yellow flowers in vases around the room, they smelled lovely. The nurse settled us in and said, “If you need anything please let me know. You have until four o’clock when the people from the mortuary will be coming to collect Nicola.”
I looked at the clock it was half nine in the morning. I had six and a half hours till they were coming.
I sat in the corner of the room holding Nicola close and kissing her forehead. Wishing it was me instead of her. I was sat there thinking I am an eighteen year old girl, this is so wrong, I shouldn’t have to been thinking about my daughter’s death. She should be here!
I called for the nurse and asked her, “Could you contact my priest, he needs to be here. My daughter needs him.” She replied “I’ll try my hardest to get hold of him. If I can’t get him, would you like me to get another priest instead?” I said “Yes please but please try your hardest to get my priest, Father Neil.”
She came back about half an hour later and told me “I couldn’t get hold of father Neil but I got hold of Father William. He’s from the same Parish and will be here within the hour.” I thanked her and she left the room.
I left the room and went outside the hospital to smoke a cigarette. I stood there with tears streaming down my face sobbing in silence. I decided I needed to phone the rest of our families and close friends. I phoned my dad in Ireland first. I remember saying, “Dad, I’ve got some sad news. Dad said “What’s wrong April? What’s up?” He repeated it a few times when I finally felt able to reply. I said, “Dad, its Nicola. She passed away this morning. I thought I had better let you know.”
I hung up and phoned everyone else before going back up to the room with the family. I was back in the room for about ten minutes when Father William arrived.
Father William was a priest at the church I went to but had only seen him around. I had never spoken to him. I shook his hand and thanked him for coming at such short notice. He asked me, “What is her name? Has she been baptised?” I replied, “Her names Nicola Hayes and she was due to be baptized in two weeks time.”
I began panicking. Thinking I should have done it sooner. Father William said, “I’m so sorry that tiny Nicola has left us but God wanted her with him. Would you like me to say a blessing?” My mum started speaking and then looked at me. I nodded for her to continue. She said, “Will this blessing let her original sin be forgiven? We would like you to say a blessing.” Father William replied, “Nicola is with God in heaven now. All babies go to heaven and original sin is forgiven.”
I instantly let out a sigh of relief. Father William said a beautiful blessing. I hugged my mum and sobbed into her shoulder. Father William said to my mum, “I am so sorry for your loss. I will let Father Neil know about your loss and he will be in contact with you. If there’s anything we can do please just call us.” We all thanked him and he left.
I picked Nicola up and held her tight, crying, and taking in her scent. I knew I would never get another chance to hold her like this. The nurse came into the room and informed us that Nicola would need a post mortem as there was no reason for her death. We would not be able to decline it as all children who suddenly die under the age of ten needed one, to prove cause of death. I cried and cried. They were going to cut my baby open. The nurse said, “As you are aware the mortuary people are coming at four but I need you all to leave around half three so I can prepare her body for the transfer to Whitechapel.” I replied, “Okay, we will be gone by half three.” She asked us, “Would you like a keep sake? I can take a lock of her hair. I can take some foot and hand prints. I can also take some photos.”
I told her, “I would love a lock of hair and the foot and hand prints. I don’t want any photos as her skins changed colour. That’s not my daughter any more. She’s gone; it’s just her shell left. “
I later found out that rigor mortis had set in. This is why her body had changed colour. The nurse left the room. She came back minutes later with a pair of scissors, an inkpad and two envelopes. The nurse cut a lock of Nicola’s hair from the back near her neck. I still remember thinking she’s too small to have any of her hair cut off. It was mousey brown and dead straight. The nurse tried her hardest to get a hand print but could only get a fist as the rigor mortis had set in while her hand was clenched, Nicola’s foot print was tiny and just perfect.
I remember looking at the clock and it saying one o’clock. I sat there crying and cuddling Nicola. I turned to my mum and said, “Mum I’m leaving here soon, it’s time for us to say goodbye and let her rest in peace. Me sitting here isn’t going to bring her back!” My mum just nodded. I asked everyone, “Can you all say goodbye and leave the room, I would like to say my goodbye in private.”
Everyone said their goodbyes and left me and Steven in the room alone with Nicola. I broke down crying and just kept repeating, “Please come back, please. I’ll do anything.” Steven told me, “It’s time to go.”
I kissed Nicola on the forehead and said goodbye breathing in her scent for the last ever time.
It was then I realised she was gone forever and this would eternally be the worst day of my life!
12 December 2011
Angel Package Delivery ~ Baby Ollie
A very special donation was posted this week, which was sent directly to Angel Mummy Zowie while in hospital. Sadly baby Ollie was born sleeping earlier this week but was loveingly wrapped up warm in the little green pocket and put to bed in the mini crib; both shown in this picture.A huge thank you to those who helped make these items for a special little Angel.
You can read Olly's story on Finleys Footprints.
11 December 2011
Donation Recd ~ Penny Hadley
15x Hats
4x Blankets
1x Papoose
6x Teddies
4x Journals
4x Butterfly Pens
4x Journals
4x Butterfly Pens
Package recieved from the lovely Penny Hadley. Thank you!
Donation Recd ~ Becca Gilchrist
5x Hats
3x Blankets
2x Wraps
A lovely package received from Becca Gilchrist. Thank you!
10 December 2011
Hospital Delivery ~ North Middlesex and Royal Free, North West London
Two hospital deliveries were made today; one to North Middlesex Hospital and the other to the Royal Free Hospital in North West London. These were small donations but we hope - in a nice way - to make larger deliveries come the new year.
Thank you again to those who made these donations happen.
08 December 2011
Donation Recd ~ Ruislip Manor Knitting Group
14x Hats
7x Dress
3x Pockets
A lovely package received from the Ruislip Manor Knitting Group. Thank you!
3x Pockets
A lovely package received from the Ruislip Manor Knitting Group. Thank you!
Donation Recd ~ Louise Murdock
6x Hats
4x Booties
3x Wraps
1x Bunting
A lovely package received from Louise Murdock. Thank you!
3x Wraps
1x Bunting
A lovely package received from Louise Murdock. Thank you!
Donation Recd ~ Lizz Reeves
10x Hats
2 Wraps
1x Pocket
1x Blanket
Package received from Lizz Reeves. Thank you!
Lizz has also donated a full term cardigan and hat for baby Max who has been in the news recently after he was sadly hurt by his family.
1x Pocket
1x Blanket
Package received from Lizz Reeves. Thank you!
Lizz has also donated a full term cardigan and hat for baby Max who has been in the news recently after he was sadly hurt by his family.
Donation Recd ~ Olwyn Elliott
6x Buntings
6x Hats
6x Hats
5x Dress
4x Butterflies
1x Booties
Another lovely package received from Olwyn Elliott.
Thank you!
4x Butterflies
1x Booties
Another lovely package received from Olwyn Elliott.
Thank you!
07 December 2011
Baby Loss Stories ~ Charlie's Baby Isla
There are many many many women in the world who have had to make the most difficult decision a person can make in their lives; to end their pregnancy due to a medical reason.
I hate the word ‘terminate’ for the fact that it sounds so cold and clinical, and yet it is one of the most personal and heart wrenching of things any couple will ever have to make and ultimately be forced to live with.
Sadly Charlie and her partner had to make this choice when Charlie was just 18 years old.
Charlie and I were both due our Angels in November and despite being so young and being faced with this life changing decision, her maturity and level headedness regarding the situation struck a cord with everyone on our birth board from the very beginning.
Here is Charlie and Baby Isla's story xox
Wednesday 27th May 2009, my 12 week scan. Me and my partner are overjoyed at seeing our little baby kicking and yawning and stretching. I was 13w & 4 days. The sonographer was taking his time scanning but I wasn’t too worried. He then sat us outside for 20 minutes working out the combined results for downs. He called us back into the room and told us there’s a 1:8 chance of our baby having Down syndrome. The baby had a nasal bone present (which he said was a good sign as not many downs babies have them formed properly); it was the nuchal translucency that brought the result staggeringly high (4.4mm). We then decided to have a CVS test done on the same day. But before that, we had a heart scan done. The baby wasn’t forming heart valves properly.
So we had the CVS test, went home, had to wait 4 days till they finally called the following Monday, our baby girl had Down syndrome. I was so shocked, I couldn't speak. I had a strong feeling our baby was a girl so it was a bigger kick in the teeth.
We saw a consultant on Thursday and decided to go through with termination. The hardest decision we ever had to make (a decision we didn't want to have to make) I took my first tablet that day and was asked to go into the Maternity Unit on Saturday afternoon to follow through with the next lot of tablets.
Went in Saturday, had 4 lots of tablets every 3 hours. My waters broke at 12:40 pm. I was in pain, but I embraced that pain as I felt I deserved it. Took some strong painkillers and had a shot of morphine, but it didn't take my pain away, just made me sleepy. Isla come into the world 5 hours later born an angel, I was 15 weeks pregnant.
I decided not to hold her or look at her, as I just wanted to remember her as I saw her in the scan, happily playing in my tummy. Part of me now wishes that I did hold her for 1 last time, to say goodbye properly. But I thought it would be too traumatising.
So we then had her funeral on 24th of June. I felt strong before entering the chapel, and was ready to place a white flower on her white coffin. But as soon as the music played, and I saw her white coffin, I broke down and couldn't stop crying.
We decided to send her to the heavens and give her angel wings as she would have had such a difficult life. Going into hospital as a little baby, having surgery on her heart, having to put up with curious looks from strangers, I know I wouldn't have been able to cope as all I wanted was to give the best to my baby and I knew I couldn't do that.
Thank you to all the people that have been there for me during the most difficult time I’ve ever had to go through - it means so much to me.
I hate the word ‘terminate’ for the fact that it sounds so cold and clinical, and yet it is one of the most personal and heart wrenching of things any couple will ever have to make and ultimately be forced to live with.
Sadly Charlie and her partner had to make this choice when Charlie was just 18 years old.
Charlie and I were both due our Angels in November and despite being so young and being faced with this life changing decision, her maturity and level headedness regarding the situation struck a cord with everyone on our birth board from the very beginning.
Here is Charlie and Baby Isla's story xox
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday 27th May 2009, my 12 week scan. Me and my partner are overjoyed at seeing our little baby kicking and yawning and stretching. I was 13w & 4 days. The sonographer was taking his time scanning but I wasn’t too worried. He then sat us outside for 20 minutes working out the combined results for downs. He called us back into the room and told us there’s a 1:8 chance of our baby having Down syndrome. The baby had a nasal bone present (which he said was a good sign as not many downs babies have them formed properly); it was the nuchal translucency that brought the result staggeringly high (4.4mm). We then decided to have a CVS test done on the same day. But before that, we had a heart scan done. The baby wasn’t forming heart valves properly.
So we had the CVS test, went home, had to wait 4 days till they finally called the following Monday, our baby girl had Down syndrome. I was so shocked, I couldn't speak. I had a strong feeling our baby was a girl so it was a bigger kick in the teeth.
We saw a consultant on Thursday and decided to go through with termination. The hardest decision we ever had to make (a decision we didn't want to have to make) I took my first tablet that day and was asked to go into the Maternity Unit on Saturday afternoon to follow through with the next lot of tablets.
Went in Saturday, had 4 lots of tablets every 3 hours. My waters broke at 12:40 pm. I was in pain, but I embraced that pain as I felt I deserved it. Took some strong painkillers and had a shot of morphine, but it didn't take my pain away, just made me sleepy. Isla come into the world 5 hours later born an angel, I was 15 weeks pregnant.
I decided not to hold her or look at her, as I just wanted to remember her as I saw her in the scan, happily playing in my tummy. Part of me now wishes that I did hold her for 1 last time, to say goodbye properly. But I thought it would be too traumatising.
So we then had her funeral on 24th of June. I felt strong before entering the chapel, and was ready to place a white flower on her white coffin. But as soon as the music played, and I saw her white coffin, I broke down and couldn't stop crying.
We decided to send her to the heavens and give her angel wings as she would have had such a difficult life. Going into hospital as a little baby, having surgery on her heart, having to put up with curious looks from strangers, I know I wouldn't have been able to cope as all I wanted was to give the best to my baby and I knew I couldn't do that.
Thank you to all the people that have been there for me during the most difficult time I’ve ever had to go through - it means so much to me.
06 December 2011
Hospital Delivery ~ Lewisham Hospital
Today a donation was made to Lewisham Hospital; the hospital where my Son Bobby was born sleeping.Its always a little strange to go back there; not in a horrible over emotional way, but in that whenever I do, there is a certain sense about the air. Walking past the window of where we stayed always manages to trigger memories.
Normally I drop the donations off to Lee in the Mortuary but today it was given to Sheila, the Woman's Health Counsellor. On this occasion, Lewisham had asked for a donation of teddies and blankets. And as a very special part of the delivery, a premature sized moses basket was also donated, which will be used for when parents and family visit there baby.
A huge thank you to everyone who has made today's delivery possible.
04 December 2011
Crafter Photo's ~ Sam's Husband Blake
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